From the David Letterman show: “Reasons It Took Me 20 Years To Win The Daytona 500”, as presented on February 16, 1998, by 1998 Daytona 500 Winner, Dale Earnhardt:
10. It took me 19 years to realize I had the emergency brake on.
9. Finally rotated and balanced my mustache.
8. Quit training with the Canadian snowboarding team.
7. Stopped letting my 300-pound cousin Ricky ride shotgun.
6. New strategy: pretend I’m Dave driving home on the Merritt Parkway.
5. Who cares that it took me 20 years — at least my name isn’t Dick Trickle.
4. Just figured out that if you mash the gas pedal all the way down,the car takes off like a son-of-a-bitch.
3. My new pit crew — The Spice Girls.
2. This year whenever I passed somebody I gave them the finger.
1. My secret to success: one can of motor oil in my engine, one can of motor oil in my pants!
(thanks Kevin)(2-17-98)